Archive for the ‘sick shit’ Category

broken nose, Part 2

Tuesday, August 9th, 2005

I have to admit I was selfish in yesterday’s post.  Everyone is aching for details so here they are:

First, an overview of the scenario:

I had 2 guys friends over for a mellow outdoor evening;
naturally, they called up two (easy) girls.  The two girls showed up
but happened to bring along their younger sisters – 15 and 16 in age.
Unfortunately, they were wasted all ready and didn’t understand the
concept of neighbors.  After refusing them beer and telling them they
needed muzzles, they were ushered out.  The four girls started
screaming louder than ever by their vehicle and so I walked up and
told them quietly but not so nicely to leave once again.  One of the
older girls came over to me and starts screaming more and getting
really close… it was so dark I couldn’t really even see her but I
was lit up by the light behind me.  She snuck me, I had a face full of
blood, I laughed and said very calmly “get the fuck out of here” or
something of that like and went inside to clean up.

Put simply enough, I can take a lot of physical pain.  A broken
nose doesn’t phase me nearly as much as well thought out insult.

Now, the question I’m really asking myself is:  how the hell did I
walk away calmly?  I honestly have no clue.  With my awesome pain
threshold I could have eventually smashed her skull in.  Most girls
can’t get up after one hit.

Here are more photos.  I can’t say anyone has been checking me out the past couple
days.




P.S.  Although my face is all crooked, it seems as though the bitch knocked out the bump in my nose, in
which case I’ll send her a Thank You card.

broken Nose

Monday, August 8th, 2005

I’ll make this short and sweet.  Here’s why I haven’t updated:



4 against 1… I didn’t really have a shot.  I got my revenge though… after the bitch broke my nose I laughed in her face.  Oh, and one girl got choke slammed.  Awesomeness.

funny or Sad

Friday, July 29th, 2005

This is supposed to be funny but I think it’s pretty sad.  I can find a lot of sick stuff hilarious, but this is just… I don’t know.

Click here to watch it.

It’s pretty long and pretty astounding.  Not too long ago, I was a 13 year old little punk that was driving my mom crazy, but I didn’t do mean things to make her crazy… I just did bad things in general and they drove her crazy (ex.  I didn’t steal from her, I stayed out all night and smoked pot instead).  It made me SO FUCKING MAD that she wouldn’t settle and just let me smoke pot.  What the HELL was her problem?  She wasn’t looking out for me, she was just a bitch that wanted to ruin my life.

Now I look back at that line of thinking and can’t forget what a rotten piece of crap I was.  Looking at this video makes me seem like a saint compared to this kid (and it makes my mom’s horrible screaming fests seem like peaceful conversations).  Both parties are wrong and it’s pretty sick to watch… and I used to think that my family was dysfunctional!

sully and the Woodchuck

Tuesday, June 28th, 2005

I rent a little apartment/shack on a two acre property.  Within the property are two dogs and many furry creatures… namely groundhogs.  Before I continue, here’s a disclaimer:

All you PETA losers better stop reading now because this will make you cry.  Wahhh!

Anyway, today on my trip back to the shack I saw a pretty funny site.  Mr. Woodchuck was saying hello!

Upon closer inspection I noted that woodchucks don’t normally wave hello when they’re inside out, so maybe something was awry.

As I inched closer to the creature, Sully The Dog appeared from the distance.  I was going to make a meal out of the ‘chuck but Sullivan beat me to it.  In case you were wondering about groundhog preparation, first you have to separate the guts:



Once that’s done, you have a very tasty treat:



My only wish was for a better camera.  This feast was pretty excellent to watch.

barbequed People

Tuesday, June 21st, 2005

Sunday night was a little crazy, a little sickening.  There were four of us, each with a 12 pack in hand.  There was a fire.  We were rednecking.

Next thing I know, the beer is gone and Bryan is asking for things to chug.  Out came the tobasco, but that wasn’t enough.  We brought out shots of mustard, relish, jelly, and some stagnant ass puddle juice.

But alas, he wanted to up the stakes.  Out came a can of corn and down his insatiable esophagus it went.  We were running out of food.  Oh wait, there’s one more thing… a full bottle of barbeque sauce.

BBQ sauce is thick.  And plentiful.  It was fed to him by James from a tree.  He opened wide and gurgled it all.  He choked a little, but persisted.



When it was all said and done and the laughs were subsiding, it was time to clean the sick fuck up.  Being the only female, I was delegated the task.

12 beers + cleaning up some guys face and neck (BBQ sauce x corn x dried puke) = grossness

As I papertoweled this disgusting creature, he did the worst possible thing he could have possibly done.  He leaned in.  Yeah, LEANED IN.  This marinated fuck wanted to suck face, I would have rather thrown him in the fire and had some ribs for dinner.

Call me a cannibal, but the smell of barbeque sauce doesn’t make my panties moist.