chickBlog

Anal sex is a harsh mistress.  Some love it, some hate it, and some take it way too far.

When it comes to sex toys, I live by one  golden rule:  Anything that needs an instruction manual, I’m not interested in.  This big toy is expandable and retractable, reaching  a 12” circumference, wtf?

I know that enemas and all that are performed commonly before anal sex, but I still haven’t figured out why.  I’ve had a moderate amount of anal and not once has there been an “accident.”  For some reason, sucking poop out with a turkey baster seems like a turn off, no?

This is what I like to call the trout.  It looks long, slippery, and has a bite at the top.  They say it’s soft but it looks pretty spikey to me.  This thing is big enough to swim up to your intestines and eat what you had for dinner.

As a grand finale, I’d like to introduce this wonderful kit of batons.  If you ever wanted to give your ass a serious beating, this is the tool to use (particularly the middle one).  When a toy calls for me to jam it in sideways and ram it around my asshole, that’s when I pull up my pants and run away.

Want to explore the scary world of anal toys?

When I was about 9 years old, I got dumped off at my great-aunt’s house for New Year’s Eve.  At the time, she was 70+, as were all her friends.  I kicked back and relished in the free cable and junk food, but as 12 o’ clock neared the crowd turned rowdy.  By no means is my Aunt white trash (she’s a doctor), nor are any of her friends.  However, when they pulled out the game “Kiss My Ass,” horrendous behavior ensued.

The game consisted of a raunchy spinner with various options such as “get spanked” or “do a sexy dance” or the obvious “kiss my ass!”  Watching a group of senior’s drop trou’ was certainly horrific, and the thought of this traumatic event got me thinking about erotic board games.  I surfed around and found a few of my favorites:

I like really clean cut games, particularly when I’m drinking.  There’s nothing worse than a game that’s too complicated when you’ve downed about 10 shots.  With two dice you really can’t go wrong.  the erotic dice game is self explanitory, and if it isn’t, you’re a moron.

Strip poker?  That’s old news.  Now strip Bingo is where it’s at (particularly if you’re a hot milf granny!).  Kinky bingo sounds kind of strange, but if I had the balls to play one of these games this would be my choice.

This certainly doesn’t need any explanation.  I just like to put a little WANG on the screen to sicken the men out there.  Yep… WANG!  By the way, if you’d like surf through the erotic games or anything else, check out my Favorite sex toy site – there is a huge selection of all sorts of crap.

What a world we live in.  I was browsing my favorite Sex Toy Store and decided to check out the other side of things.  Instead of giggling at the oversized dildos, I took a look at the toy pussies.  Much to my surprise, the selection is pretty large.  Here are some of my favorites:

The Gaping Vag is great if you want to know what it really feels like to fuck a bitch that had octuplets.

Feel free to get some lovin’ from this truly brown hole.

Ever wondered what it felt like to get a handjob from a big oafy man?  Here’s your chance.

That’s it for now.  There are tons of laughs to be found at this site, I highly recommend it.